So, tonight, since I sadly have nothing better to do with my Friday night, I decided to come up with something fun to do for a blog. I got on Chatroulette, and to every person I said, "Tell me something random." For those of you who don't know what Chatroulette is, it's an online video chat that generates random people for you to talk to. I know video chat is kind of sketchy, but Chatroulette is pretty harmless. If you don't want to talk to someone, you just hit "next" and it will generate a new person for you. Most of the people that I encountered just hit the "next" button. I'm not upset about that. Besides the overwhelming amount of nakedness, most of the people were actually pretty normal. Damnit. I'm going to go ahead and rate my top 11 responses that I received.
NUMBER 11:
"ASL." I had to Google this because I received this response TWELVE TIMES in 30 minutes. It means "Age, Sex, Location." First of all, you're creepy. Second of all, this is a video chat. You can clearly see that I am a male. Third, THIS IS A VIDEO CHAT. WHY ARE YOU TYPING THINGS TO ME. I asked you to tell me something random, and you replied with "Age, Sex, Location??" You're disgusting. I'm not telling you where I am. You need to just go watch some porn or something.
NUMBER 10:
Number 10 goes out to all of the slightly less creative minds that I spoke to. Their responses are as follows: "I like mudkip." "Papaya." "I'm a purple man." "Potatoes and horses." "Unicorns." "I like pie." "Pie is amazing and makes me jizz in my pants." "Pie is good." "I love pumpkin pie." And ironically enough, someone was playing the song "Cherry Pie" by Warrant, and lip-syncing to it. I'm not sure what the obsession with pie was tonight, but it made me slightly hungry. All of these people left me pretty disappointed with their answers. I have nothing more to say about them.
NUMBER 9:
"I want some naughty chat. Do you like?" Said the shirtless man with his headphones in. NO. NO I DON'T LIKE YOU LITTLE WEIRDO. YOU NEED FRIENDS. I had to go take a shower after that one.
NUMBER 8:
"Mmmmm. I like you." Oh, golly. Ya makin' me blush! Except you have crazy snake eyes and you make me uncomfortable. NEXT.
NUMBER 7:
"Green fireworks contain copper." Well, that was indeed random, and possibly true as well? (I'm no chemist). This was the first response I got that didn't make me shutter, so that was a plus. But it wasn't really all that entertaining.
NUMBER 6:
"Umm. I have a magical unicorn that barfs glitter." I responded, "Where can I get one of those?" He responded, without skipping a beat, "At Wal-mart. Next to the peanut butter." It was a strange response, but it was creative, which was what I was going for. I just don't understand why it had to barf glitter. Puke is disgusting.
NUMBER 5:
"You are beautiful." I have nothing witty or sarcastic to say about this one. This person seemed to have a very kind heart and it made me smile.
NUMBER 4:
"Hi. Are you a female into mixed wrestling or dominating and overpowering a guy?" 'SCUSE MOI? Do I look like a woman to you?? And do I look like I could dominate/overpower a guy to you?? I can barely dominate a large sub from Quiznos on a good day. You, sir, need to man up and go ask a girl out in person. This is not middle school.
NUMBER 3:
"Don't kill time. Time is a good thing." I thought this was slightly inspirational--until I saw the lipstick on her teeth. Maybe she shouldn't have killed so much time this morning while she was getting ready.
NUMBER 2:
"The space between your eyebrows is called your glabella." I feel bad because I laughed in this person's face right after they told me that. Why? Because they had a bit of a unibrow. Flaunt that glabella, bro. It just wants to breathe.
NUMBER 1:
"The Argentine lake duck has a penis as long as its body." The weird thing about this one was that they didn't even hesitate with this fact after I asked them for something random. THey also said it with a completely straight face. And then they immediately hit "next." I was in shock for about 30 seconds because I had no clue what had just happened. When I came out of my coma, I realized that that was exactly the type of response I was looking for. It was true, creative, funny, and random. I laughed for a while after this one finally sank in. I'm glad there are people out there with a good sense of humor.
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